Canton will only be fun once Terrell Owens is inducted

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Marvin Harrison told Ron Borges of the Talk of Fame Network that Terrell Owens can fall into a well.

Well, not quite in those words. These words, though:

“Speaking nationally for the first time since being elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame on Feb. 6, Harrison told the Talk of Fame Network what he thought of Owens’ somewhat ungracious reaction to having failed to gain entry to the Hall in his first year of eligibility while Harrison finally made it on his third try.

[MAIOCCO: Hall-of-Famer Harrison rips Owens: 'The hell with him']

“’The person who was supposed to get in got in. And that was me. If he didn’t get in, that’s his problem. He can talk all that other bulls--t like he’s been doing. That’s on him. But I’m in. My jacket is gold. I will look in the rear view for nobody. So he can get his ass in whenever he gets in … if he gets in. If he doesn’t get in, too bad. The hell with him.’”

The year Owens gets in (if he gets in, to quote someone I’ve never met) will be the only year Canton will truly be fun.

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The story that Jaromir Jagr, the remarkable 44-year-old Florida Panther, gave up coffee for Lent has not gotten enough play, particularly since he was throwing down 10 cups a day to replace his former habit of five Diet Cokes a day.

The good news: When Jagr gave up Diet Coke last year, he tried it again after Easter, and hated the taste so much that he had to cut it with water and then abandoned it entirely. The no-coffee update: “I felt awful the first few days, I felt like I had no energy at all. I was playing games I didn’t even know I played, the first few games. But then the body got used to it.”

Next up on the caffeine ladder: Snapple Lemon Iced Tea. If he can give that up, he is a man of iron will.

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In other health news that isn’t quite so easy to mock, Lisa Aliferis of KQED’s science blog shared with us the next step in concussion research – women.

Retired soccer icon Brandi Chastain said she plans to donate her brain for concussion research. She joined with the Santa Clara Institute of Sports Law and Ethics and the Concussion Legacy Foundation to launch the Safer Soccer campaign to reduce the use of headers in youth soccer, but wants to go a further step. Aliferis:

“The concussion foundation’s research team last month announced that it had found signs of CTE in the brain of former Oakland Raiders quarterback and NFL MVP Ken Stabler. But of the 307 brains in the bank, just seven are from women and none has been found to have CTE. 

‘A question I have is, do men’s and women’s brains look and respond differently?’ Chastain said. ‘I’m a recovering two-time ACL reconstruction athlete. Why are ACL injuries more common in girls and women than boys and men? Could that also be true with concussions? And if true, what can we do differently?’”

Maybe we learn that before she has to contribute her brain.

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Our friends (well, okay, people we know a little bit who have never bought me a single beer, the cheap weasels) at Comcast Philly featured the fan of the past and the future – 80-year-old Flyers fan Anne Duggan. Here’s all the summary you need, though the words “leopard print bra,” “crotchless furry thong” and a hand release for Bernie Parent should tell you where she’s going with this. 

And here is Crossing Broad’s version.

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Noted recidivist Internet gadfly and habitual St. Louis Cardinals fan Will Leitch of Sports On Earth emptied out on baseball’s replay rule by using baseball’s new demolition derby rules at second base, and while you should seek the story on your own, he closed nicely with this:

Replay is a scalpel. We're using it like a machete. And it's hacking up our game.

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Jamie Bullen of the London Evening Standard brings us the irony of the team that once featured a statue of Michael Jackson in front of its ground catfishing its players to point out the dangers of the Internet, to wit:

“Fulham brought in a web expert to pose as a 16-year-old female ‘fan’ and lure young footballers with fake Facebook messages in a warning about the perils of social media.

The scheme to warn players about the perils of inappropriate contact with young female fans emerged in the wake of former Sunderland player Adam Johnson's conviction yesterday for molesting a 15-year-old.

“The expert posed as a Fulham supporter and sent messages to players via Facebook. The exercise was set up to shock the club’s younger players into being more cautious when using sites such as Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.

(Former coach Kim Symons, who still works at the club) said, “Some of the young players fell for it as real. It was a short, sharp shock. You can tell lads about getting caught out and they’ll think ‘oh they won’t catch me,’ and then that happens, they are caught.”

Maybe scaring the fertilizer out of them will beat the traditionally ineffective cautionary tale.

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And finally, on a non-sporty note, two California assembly members, Kansen Chu of the South Bay and Lorena Gonzalez of San Diego (I refuse to acknowledge party affiliations given the morbidly stupid state of the nation’s politics) are co-sponsoring a bill to eliminate daylight savings time. May it fail so spectacularly that their insurance refuses to cover the hundreds of windburn treatments required to replace and re-moisturize their skins.

Sure it seems harsh, but those who mess with the very concept of time after dinner must understand the forces with which they tamper. If blistering must ensue, then blistering must ensue.

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